


Funny Us

by SenkoWakimarin



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:39:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 6,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7143092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenkoWakimarin/pseuds/SenkoWakimarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of funny or cute Roadrat shorts. Rated for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat finds a temporary hobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was suggested by an anonymous user on tumblr.

He knows it’s a temporary thing from moment one; ‘Hog doesn’t even have to say a damn word. It’s not exactly something he can carry around with him, is it, an ant farm?

Watching them is immensely enjoyable, though. He likes how they keep themselves busy in the tiny enclosed space. To them it must seem like a whole world, the boundaries of the glass just part of the makeup of the universe. Normally he wouldn’t give ants the time of day, but now he’s lying on his bed in the hotel, eyes glued.

There’s no point in naming most of them – he’d forget the names anyway, and there’s just too many of the little buggers – but the big egg laying one he names Big Steve.

“That’s the queen,” is all Roadhog says when Jamie happily tells him this scintillating little fact. And to that retort, Jamie just shrugs.

“So? Her Royal Majesty, Big Steve. Got a good ring to it!”

Later though, just a few days later, it’s time to part ways with Big Steve and all her guys and gals. Junkrat takes them outside to one of the trees growing near the hotel, heaves back, and smashes the glass against the trunk.

The rain of glass does nothing for him, but the sight of all those ants out loose now, cutting it rough; that put a smile on his lips.


	2. Laughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laughter makes all things more enjoyable.

It’s not something he’d ever admit, but Roadhog loves the way Junkrat laughs.

The sound is infectious, making ‘Hog smile under his mask without Jamie needing to try much at all. It’s rough sound, artless and tittering, a giggle almost. But it’s natural and always far from manufactured, and as much as the younger man might get on ‘Hog’s nerves at times, there will always be patience for that breathless tittering laugh.

Junkrat laughs at everything; he loves his work, laughs at every good blast and well hit mark. He laughs at everybody’s jokes, even those made at his expense.

Most interestingly, to ‘Hog at least, the younger man laughs when they fuck.

The moans and groans and sighing happy sounds are all par for the course, normal enough; it’s this laughter sprinkled through the act that really interests the bigger man. He’s nailing ‘Rat to the mattress and the smaller man is giggling between breathless gasping cries for more, and it’s all ‘Hog can do not to laugh right along with him.

It feels good, better than he can justify, and when they both come, almost perfectly in sync, ‘Rat laughs even harder, hard enough that ‘Hog just can’t hold back anymore. He laughs along and that gets the other man, for once, to pause, before laughing all the harder.


	3. Collection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone should have a chance to collect something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Tumblr prompt: "k this one is kinda far fetched but roadhog keeping a collection of something. when your life is an apocalyptic hellscape you gotta look forward to something (bonus points if junkrat manages to fuck it up)"

Roadhog collects Junkrat’s manners. He doesn’t exactly remember when he started, just one day began making note of all his apologies and thank-yous, his pleases and you’re-welcomes. As far as collections go, it’s as pointless as any and certainly lacks an ability to show off, but it takes up no room in his bindle and needs no dusting or looking after.

It’s an odd pastime, but everyone traveling this hellscape deserves to have something little to look forward to.

The fits of good manners are random, the smaller man seeming to forget he has anything like them for long stretches at a time. Perhaps it’s this sporadic nature that makes the idea of collecting the moments seem in anyway interesting.

His memory is by no means a steel trap. He has no perfect recall of every instant since he started paying attention. Really, it’s more like a realization with each new addition that, yes, ‘Rat has apologized this way before, or no, this is a mew way the smaller man is saying thank you.

‘Rat spoils it sometimes, because of course he does. For example, the latest string of passive aggressive remarks might sound like an apology to the untrained ear, but Roadhog knows what he’s hearing isn’t remorse at all but irritation at being told he’s being annoying, clicking his fingers on the sidecar’s metal.

Of course, there will be a real apology later.

There always is, and ‘Hog will remember it.


	4. Gentle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it pays to be gentle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From another anonymous Tumblr prompt: "junkrat first loses his limbs and roadhog considers being gentle for a change"

When Roadhog met Junkrat, the kid had all his organic bits, including all his own teeth. It wasn’t until a few months into their partnership that ‘Rat got himself shot to such shit that there had been no choice but to amputate his arm and leg on the right side.

A lot of people assumed, once they had thirty seconds to gauge Jamie’s personality by, that he’d blown himself up. Roadhog knew better; Jamie was brilliant with his explosives, hardly ever making even a minor error, certainly nothing that would get him half-killed. It wasn’t in ‘Hog’s nature to correct a few idiotic notions spouted off by nobodies, and anyway, the more other people underestimated Junkrat, the more people would be caught off guard later.

But it would _be_ later, because for now Jamie’s only barely healed enough to be testing out his prosthetics. He’s tenacious and pushes himself hard – too hard, ‘Hog sometimes thinks, watching sweat bead on the smaller man’s brow as he hobbles across the room toward him. When he reaches ‘Hog, the big man catches him and picks him easily up. Jamie is too exhausted to cuss him out for babying him, and ‘Hog is (privately) too worried to care even if he had.

Together the unclasp the prosthetics and lay them aside, where Jamie can reach them on his own later. It surprises ‘Hog when he sits carefully on the bed beside the other man and Jamie starts to do his weird shimmying crawl up into his lap. He’d think the little man would be too tired.

Normally these private moments between them are hard and fast, boarding on violent, explosive. With the turn in Jamie’s health, they haven’t fucked in… a long time.

“Say, mate, I don’t pay you enough t’ be such a good nurse,” ‘Rat says, grinning in that way the makes ‘Hog have to smile back under his mask “How’s about I give you a little compensation?” It’s a hard offer to pass up, and when Roadhog tries to gently turn him down, the younger man starts to look downright teary about it.

They’re normally so rough. And ‘Hog really doesn’t want to hurt ‘Rat any more than he already is.

Without needing more coaxing, the mask is unclasped and slipped off, ‘Hog lowering the smaller body to the mattress and pinning him there.

“Gentle,” he grunts, frowning and serious. “Gentle, got it?”

Eager and hungry, ‘Rat just nods sharply, pleased to be getting his way. “Gentle, yeah, ‘course,” he babbles, reaching his good hand up to hook around ‘Hog’s neck, pulling himself up for a kiss. It’s slow and sultry in a way their kisses usually aren’t, and soon enough ‘Rat’s grinding up against ‘Hog, panting little bits of praise.

It’s a chore to go so slow, but worth it for the way Jamie moans and bites at his own lip, eyes rolling. The evening draws out in languid love, and it’s the first time Roadhog really thinks of it that way, as making love, but it’s pretty hard to deny when they’re locked together so intimately, moving together to figure out how to please one another best.

The evening slips into night long before ‘Hog finally sinks into ‘Rat, the little man babbling out phrases of clipped pleasure, begging ‘Hog to have him rough just like always. Tempting as the offer is, ‘Hog keeps it almost agonizingly slow, forcing himself to pay attention to any sign of discomfort or pain in his lover.

Moonlight is shining brightly through the slanted hotel blinds before either of them comes. Jamie loses himself first, and it’s something about that, about getting his partner off this way, that tears Roadhog over the edge as well.

“Guess there’s somethin’ to that slow shit after all,” Jamie intones, snuggling back against ‘Hog’s side and immediately starting to drift.

‘Hog only watches him, absently petting his hair and privately agreeing. At the same time, he’s already wondering how best to go about getting the smaller man into a bath.


	5. Pranks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They play jokes on each other. Nothing harmful, just a bit of fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Tumblr prompt: ":3c Pranks as a Roadrat prompt?"

Neither of them remember how it got started or when. It is simply, like cloudy skies or blooming flowers, a thing that happens from time to time. The sky clouds over, flowers bloom, and Roadhog and Junkrat play jokes on one another.

It’s simple stuff, funny, nothing that’ll hurt anyone. Just little pranks.

Like the time ‘Hog slipped dye into ‘Rat’s shampoo and the little guy had green hair for two weeks. Or ‘Rat taping an air horn behind the hotel room door, so it screamed when the big guy muscled his way through the narrow door. Carmel apples that were really onions. Hidden alarm clocks.

Funny, harmless shit.

This one, this’ll be the real topper, ‘Rat could feel it. It was a damn classic, and if he could just get it set up before Roadhog got back, he’d be golden.

The old bucket of water on the doorway trick. Guaranteed laughs.

If he could just get the damn bucket up on the cracked open door, that was. Damn think barely wanted to balance and –

He crows in surprise as frigid water showers him, bucket clanging darkly over his head as the door is shoved open the rest of the way. He can hear ‘Hog pause where he’s standing and then start to chuckle, before the bigger man plucks the bucket off his head.

“Knew you were gonna screw yourself on this one,” he grunts, dropping a soft hotel towel over ‘Rat’s head and sauntering in the rest of the way, smug as anything.

Which makes it all the more gratifying when, as his weight presses down on the mattress of the bed, an air horn blows. Caught by the same trick twice.


	6. Bathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadhog and Junkrat have a bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one directly follows the chapter "Gentle".

‘Hog doesn’t plan on sharing the bath, wouldn’t have imagined in a million years that it would be something Jamie would be into. All he wants right now is the relaxation of good hot water and the ease away some of the lingering tension in his arms after a long night.

Keeping his weight off ‘Rat’s still healing body had taken more effort than he wanted to admit, and he was paying for it now.

When Junkrat fumbled his was into the steamy room, half hopping and half hobbling on his crutch, ‘Hog didn’t really know what to make of it. He watched the younger man make his way across the tiled floor, just as naked as Roadhog had left him, and perks a brow when he’s told to budge over.

Generally speaking, ‘Rat doesn’t go in for baths. He doesn’t seem to care for any body of water bigger than a shallow puddle, and getting him to shower is a game of bribery, threat, and coercion. Tonight, ‘Hog has no interest in playing that game, and he supposes ‘Rat doesn’t either. When he moves back to make room for the smaller body, water sloshes out of the tub and onto the floor; ‘Rat giggles and sits carefully and seeming to think a moment.

When Jamie climbs in, wincing and cursing at how fucking hot the water is, they almost overflow the tub, water all the way to the brim. Every little move either of them make sends more water flowing to the floor. ‘Hog hooks one massive arm around Junkrat’s shoulders, pulling him back so the smaller man can rest against his stomach and chest. Jamie’s left leg hangs out of the tub and his foot sways back and forth.

Not really thinking about it, ‘Hog scoops up a handful of water and carefully pours it over ‘Rat’s head, using his free hand to keep it from going into his eyes. When he’s got the hair good and soaked, he sets to massaging his fingers against the other’s scalp.

They don’t talk for a long time, and Roadhog finds he quite likes the quiet, the gentleness between them. He files the memory away as one to hold onto in the bad times.


	7. Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat won't let anyone get away with hurting his best mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A prompt from Tumblr: "ifya still taking roadrat prompts: one of them almost dies, the other thinks they're actually gone, and the person who did it has fucked up big time"

That nasty shit in Roadhog’s canteen healed him from a lot of deadly looking wounds, but he was vulnerable while drinking up, that much Junkrat had gotten fairly well grilled into his head. He forgot a lot of things, but not that he needed to keep fire off ‘Hog as best he could while the big guy recouped.

So when he sees the bullet shatter through ‘Hog’s shoulder while he’s working on a big swallow of that gross healing concoction, sees it punching a neat hole through his front, his heart does a sort of sick shrivel-jump, leaping up tight into his throat. It doesn’t look like such a bad wound from the front, but ‘Hog sort of sways on his feet and then falls on his face, and the hole punched through his back, oh that looks bad, that looks huge and gory and awful, like a tiny bomb went off somewhere inside him and took a chunk out.

And he’s not breathing.

For a moment, everything is so still, too still, as if everyone is caught off guard by the fall of Goliath. There is no noise, no continued gunfire, no nothing.

It is still.

“Oh,” Junkrat says, his voice small at first and growing in volume and ferocity. “Oh, now you’re DEAD.”

He’s never been sharper, more effective on his own. Offensive fighting isn’t usually his style, but he makes it work today. The frag launcher has never worked so hard or so well the thinks, and when he runs out of his own ammo, he picks up one of the cop’s own guns and finishes wiping them out with that, punching those same horrible holes through them.

It’s not until he hears a very familiar groan of pain that he even pauses, the man caught in one of his steel traps shuddering and pissing and crying about not wanting to die. ‘Rat shoots him offhandedly, eyes back across the battlefield and on ‘Hog, who is somehow pushing himself to a sit.

“Oi, you fucker,” he screams, limping as fast as he can back to the older man’s side. “I thought you was dead!”

Roadhog says nothing, but he looks around and then at Jamie, who puffs out his chest and nods.

“Hadta make ‘em pay,” he says, matter of fact but proud as well. “Wasn’t gonna let ‘em get away with killin’ my best mate!”

Keeping his silence, ‘Hog pushes his mask up and takes a sip from his canteen. His other hand ruffles Junkrat’s smoldering hair, and it’s gentle, gentle, all fondness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Secret: I'm always taking prompts.)


	8. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a much simpler reason to Roadhog's typical silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this Tumblr prompt: "Mako isnt quiet because he's a stony badass. he's just REALLY socially awkward."

One thing Roadhog genuinely enjoys without fail about Junkrat is that the smaller man can hold a conversation all by himself. It’s a natural talent of the younger man, basically needing no more than a glance in his direction to decide which way his partner was taking the conversation. He can turn a vague grunt from Roadhog into whole sentences.

This is a big deal to the heavier man, because he doesn’t _like_ taking.

He tells himself it’s part of who he has become, part of the persona of Roadhog; he is tough, brooding, violent. Not exactly a candidate for an easy chat up.

But if he’s honest with himself (and sometimes he is), he has to admit that Mako Rutledge wasn’t exactly much of a conversationalist, either. He’s always been a little awkward, a little socially clumsy, quick to blush and always fumbling for words.

Put on a mask and clam up after starting a new life and suddenly that reluctance to speak is a creepy signature of your new persona. People who might have laughed at red-faced, muttering Mako feared and respected silent, growling Roadhog. It was a good exchange, as far as those things went, and the fact that ‘Rat didn’t mind basically talking to himself helped.


	9. Warpaint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat likes doing their nails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: "How about Junkrat painting 'Hog's nails? And 'Hog painting Junkrat's nails?"

It’s almost always Junkrat who suggests touching up their nail polish, who notices that it’s chipped and cracked. He calls it their war paint, and seems to take some pride in it looking good. All of this is a little surprising to Roadhog, but nothing is quite as surprising as the careful way ‘Rat applies the paint.

Really, he’s much better at it than ‘Hog. His hands are used to tinkering with fine parts and small machines; Roadhog uses his hands to break things. He’s actually so bad the first time they decide to try doing each other’s nails that Junkrat ends up slapping him away and doing his own after finishing up his partner’s. Of course, it’s easier for ‘Rat; Roadhog’s nails are broad and easy, where as his own are small and bitten to the quick.

He’s oddly fastidious about it, and it was almost a point of pride that ‘Hog learn to hold the tiny brush just so, make the neat miniscule strokes, and neatly coat only the nails of ‘Rat’s hand, instead of painting his fingers up to the first knuckle.

Now it’s a pleasant little ritual the indulge in. ‘Rat likes to sit in ‘Hog’s lap, drawing first one hand and then the other around him and coating each nail in a thick, even black coat. Then Roadhog, as gentle and delicate as he can, lifts ‘Rat’s hand up in one of his own and carefully returns the favor.

As far as things between them go, it’s quite relaxing.


	10. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is where the heart is.

Sometimes, all Roadhog needs to feel at home is having Junkrat with him, and that kind of says something right there. It confuses him, sometimes - when did home stop being about a place, about things and the little material comforts of electricity and a well worn couch and a decent bed night to night, and start being about this strange, mad little man.

He doesn’t question it. Better not to talk about it, to just go with the flow and see how this plays out. They’ve got plenty of time, and in a weird way he'd rather let 'Rat take the lead, at least on that end of things. God knows the little man can't take the lead where real direction is needed. But if they’re making it up as they go along, at least it’s kind of fun.

It’s maybe a little surprising, how different Junkrat can be from day to day, night to night. Sometimes outlining whole grand schemes and explaining this bomb or these plans just for Roadhog as they lay up and wait for the perfect moment for the next heist; sometimes just silent and intense and so deeply focused on whatever is in his hands that it's a little scary. Sometimes rough and eager to touch; sometimes shy and careful, like he thinks (and this is maybe touching, maybe hilarious, 'Hog doesn't quite know yet) that his larger companion might run away. He's completely unpredictable, and this shouldn’t be as nice as it is, as good and fulfilling, but all Jamie has to do is turn his head a certain way and suddenly 'Hog feels he’s home again.

He forgets sometimes, who found who first. Not so much about the partnership - it doesn’t much matter - but who decided it was okay to take that bond one step further. To share space for more than just warmth and security. 

It’s kind of comforting that they’re so wound together that he can’t tell, and he knows that sometimes this isn’t about anything other than making sure they’re both really alive, both going to be okay for another night; it’s sometimes just about covering the blank spots in their personas that they can’t bear to let show.

But for a minute or two it’s a lot like love and that’s enough to make him happy.


	11. Celebrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just have to celebrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Tumblr prompt: "celebrating a victory".

It’s not every damn day you walk away from a fight where it looked damn near like you were dead, or so Junkrat keeps saying. It’s his way of making an excuse to celebrate, Roadhog is fairly sure, and though the pain still lances sharply through his arm every time he moves it, it’s hard to deny the smaller man.

They don’t always celebrate their victories. Not ever most victories. Even ‘Rat knows it pays to keep a low profile, though it kills him to stay indoors for any real length of time. He’s forever bugging to get moving, to leave one cramped little room and find another, not because he thinks they’re in any danger of getting caught but just because he’s _bored_. In the beginning this irritated the older Junker, but more and more he just finds ‘Rat’s overabundance of energy somewhere between endearing and concerning.

On this particular night, what with ‘Hog still recovering from the bullet that had punched a brutal hole through his shoulder (not even close to his heart, which had been ’Rat’s fear), neither one of them wants to really go out. It’s hard to cut up a place when you’re drag ass tired.

Riding the bike is hell, the vibrations making ‘Hog’s sore shoulder wretched, but they ride anyway. A fair distance, too, far enough that it’s unlikely they’ll be bothered for a day or so. Jamie makes a run to the nearest liquor store and ‘Hog checks them into some place that doesn’t look like it’ll be infested with too many bugs.

And they drink together, late into the night, until Jamie leans in, dead asleep in the blink of an eye, with his head against Roadhog’s arm and his legs trailing out across the floor. Neither one of them uses the bed that night, but it hardly seems to matter when they wake up, heads splitting, curled close together in the morning.


	12. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing can stand against them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr prompt: "How about fighting side by side?"

They find that, after some time, they really do fight best when working together.

It’s not side by side, because their styles don’t work so well that way – Jamie is scrappy and best lest to his sabotages and traps, while Roadhog is furious aggression, pressing forward on the battlefield like an oncoming storm. They’re not interested in taking prisoners or preserving any kind of morality or honor opine a fight; they’ll do whatever they have to do to come out alive, even if it’s dirty.

‘Hog can herd their opponents toward Junkrat’s traps, and ‘Rat can blast the fleeing enemy right back into Hog’s waiting arms. They clean up a fight well enough; it’s no wonder the reward for them is such a magnificent sum.

After all, there had been a great deal of people sent after them, and most of those people were now extremely dead. It’s a thought that recurs to Roadhog now and then, usually with a smidge of pride.

They really do wreak havoc wherever they’re currently set up, plundering their way across the world. It’s probably quite frightening to come up against them in battle, between ‘Rat’s laughter and his own furious charge toward the enemy, notably silent compared to his companion. In a weird, vague way, Roadhog almost pities their foes, because there’s nobody that can stand against them when they’re on the offensive.

Nothing can stand against them when they're together.


	13. Boba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love at first taste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt "Junkrat discovering he likes boba tea".

There was nothing, not a single beverage in the world, quite like boba. After that first taste, he didn’t much feel thirsty for anything else. It was getting through to that first taste that truned out to be the difficult part.

‘Rat didn’t know what he’d expected a ‘boba tea’ to be, but this weren’t it.

It looked cold, colorful, and filled with gross jelly things at the bottom, like a scum of frog eggs nestled at the bottom of the cup. Obviously he was meant to eat these, because the straw that came with the drink was ridiculously wide, really unsuitable for a regular drink.

He grimaced up at his bodyguard, thinking maybe it was ‘Hog’s job to steer him outta this one. “It looks fuckin’ gross.”

The bigger man shrugged, mask loosened just enough to slip a straw under and drink. His tea was bright purple; ‘Rat’s was orange and supposedly tasted of mango. It smelled like mango, but he had his doubts. But if ‘Hog was going to drink and not complain, then ‘Rat couldn’t very well do less, now could he? He had his pride, right.

So he muscled up his courage, drew up on the straw, and fell in love.


	14. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadhog does not get jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: "it would be interesting to see what jealousy would look like from 'hog's perspective".

Roadhog doesn’t get jealous; not that you’d notice, at least. He shows little enough that it’s amazing how well ‘Rat pucks up on the few emotions he does show. That mask hides a good deal of emotion, and he’s learned to take it ever further, so it’s not just the mask but a whole body act covering up little hitches in emotion and making him seem cold, impassive, nicely above all that troublesome sensitivity.

It’s been that way for so long even he was starting to buy into it. Mako Rutledge might have been a man of emotion, perhaps even ruled by them to some extent, but the new man he was certainly had better shut to deal with than feelings.

So, no, he’s not jealous when he sees Junkrat chatting up with the girl in the parka, or when he stops to thank Mercy and ends up in an actual conversation.

And he’s _certainly_ not jealous of the way ‘Rat’s eyes sometimes linger on the chest or shoulders of other folks, or how he gazes after some people when they walk past, that little expression of hunger flashing in his eyes. He only knows that look because it’s the job of a decent bodyguard to have a bead on his employer’s needs and moods.

His irritability is perfectly understandable, just annoyance at Junkrat’s tendency toward distraction.

Roadhog does not get jealous.


	15. Protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat is very protective of his companion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr prompt: "Could we have some more protective Junkrat?"

Roadhog was hired to look out for Junkrat, and it’s a job he takes, as he takes most everything, very seriously.

Sometimes though, even the most seriously taken task doesn’t go strictly according to plan. Things go wrong, people are full of stupid surprises; they both know this well enough. Sometimes things get screwed up. Sometimes the bodyguard needs guarding.

It wasn’t really Junkrat’s strong suit, but he was happy enough to do it when it needed doing. He was good enough with his traps and grenades to lay down suppressing fire while Hog crushed an aerosol to his mask and healed up. Really the scariest part most of the time wasn’t even that he was letting Junkrat take point, it was the ferocity with which ‘Rat took up the job.

He was entirely capable of holding his own – they were both survivors when it came down to it – but Junkrat was _vicious_ when it came to protecting Roadhog, down to the point of near suicidal neglect to his own personal safety. This is not the first time ‘Hog has been forced to grab the little idiot and pull him out of the line of fire, and even then Junkrat goes down only with a fight, thrashing as he is pulled down into safety.

“I’m gonna kill ‘em,” he screams in Roadhog’s ear. “They shot you down and _I’m gonna KILL ‘EM ALL._ ”

In a very real way, it felt at times like Roadhog wasn’t being paid to watch Junkrat, but rather that Jamie was paying him to keep him company.

The thought makes ‘Hog grit his teeth and shudder.


	16. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat's terrible memory explains some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off a lovely headcanon I received on my Roadhog tumblr, which read, "not an ask just a weird observation, like Apparently Rat does not know Roadhog's name but Roadhog's name isn't really a secret it's on his mug shot and Rat's had his mug shot taken next to him so he must have seen it, it's public knowledge so my thinking is...what if he forgot it? it's canon that he's got some pretty bad memory problems, so what if he just keeps forgetting it? or goes out of his way to avoid it since Hog does not want to tell him yet and he respects that if you wanna be cute."

There is no way that Junkrat doesn’t know Roadhog’s ‘real’ name.

It’s not exactly a national secret, for one thing, but for another, they’ve been arrested together. He’s heard guards calling ‘Hog ‘Mako’ _and_ ‘Rutledge’; he’s seen the name on Roadhog’s mug shot and in the papers they sometimes pick up that mention their destructive little world tour.

Most likely the reason he never uses it is for the very simple fact that he forgets it. The name doesn’t get used between them because Roadhog _isn’t_  the same man as the one belonging to that name and so hates hearing it.

It doesn’t get used so Junkrat forgets it, it’s that simple. Like anyone with memory problems, he probably does have moments where it occurs to him that he knows _something_  regarding Roadhog’s name, but when he reaches for that information it simply eludes him. That’s the most likely reason the smaller man never uses his old name, and it’s cut, dry, and simple.

Sometimes, though, sometimes Roadhog feels like it might be more.

Maybe ‘Rat gets it, maybe on a deeper level (and Roadhog has reason to believe that Junkrat is a well that runs very deep indeed) the other junker understands that Roadhog doesn’t want to be called by that name. 

That Mako Rutledge is dead now, that Roadhog _is_  his real name. 

It’s probably just the blessing of a shite memory that keeps the name off Junkrat’s lips, it’s true.

But it’s nice to think it might be more.


	17. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat takes care of Roadhog sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr prompt: "Junkrat taking care of Roadhog for a change?"

There is a certain balance in their relationship that they fall into without either ever really acknowledging it; Roadhog is the vigilant one, the mindful one, letting Junkrat have the kind of fun he got into this business to have. Roadhog takes care of Junkrat, and while neither of them think about it much, it’s an undeniable fact in their lives together.

What Junkrat likes best about ‘Hog is that he’s _sturdy_. Roadhog doesn’t just dish out a lot of damage, he takes it too, pausing now and then to take a breather and then jumping right back into the fray. He’s a beast in a fight, and ‘Rat finds that a commendable quality in a bodyguard.

But even the strongest men needed to rest now and then, and in those times, Junkrat always steps up to take care of his friend without anything even approaching a complaint.

Roadhog only rarely relaxes this way, letting his guard down enough to just enjoy the peace between running and their random stops for mayhem and looting. Usually relaxing is forced on him, brought on by a sudden, sharp migraine headache he can’t seem to shake without a few day’s rest. He hates these interludes, not strictly for the pain they involve but because there’s a sense of slacking off that comes with them that he hates, of shirking the duty he’s being paid to perform.

Junkrat, having heard this, finds it to be patent bullshit, and says so. And anyway, he _likes_ taking care of the bigger man when he’s laid up. He likes getting him drinks and checking on him while he’s sleeping and setting up the place with all kinds of tripwires and traps so they’ll know if anything or anyone tries to get into their safe room.

Maybe it’s a false equivalence, but in these little ways for these little times, Junkrat feels like he’s being as proactively protective of Roadhog as the big guy is of him.

And that’s a nice way to feel.

 


	18. Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadhog remembers the taste of blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From an prompt on Tumblr asking for "something a lil more gore-like".

The biggest part of Roadhog’s job is keeping Junkrat safe, but he’s also personal assistant, chauffeur, and occasionally, chef. To put it mildly, his primary job is vastly preferred.

It’s what he was built to do, he thinks; bodies break under his hands easier than he can steer the chopper or remember to remind ‘Rat of this or that. What’s more, it feels _good_ getting all that violence out of him; it’s like a boil come to head and he’s expressing the pus and poison all at once, washing himself out and coming clean again for a time.

He remembers a time before the mask, when blood would splash into his mouth; how the taste drove him wild, how his fist would hit all the harder at that sweet coppery taste. It’s not the same now, now he only tastes blood when he bites himself, or on the rare occasion that someone hits him hard enough to bloody his lip. It’s not the same, not even close, and sometimes, oh, sometimes he misses that taste, the heat of flying sanguine slashing across his face.

For the most part, he sticks to the use of his hook and the scrap gun these days, but he makes an exception when he catches up to ‘Rat’s captors and finds him beaten half unconscious. He blows the two furthest from his boss away and does for the rest of the gang with his fists, furious and snarling.

He never should have let ‘Rat out of his sight, but he’s more than ready to make the assholes who’d managed to grab him pay.

Bones snap under his hands, skulls crack and blood flies. For a short time, the little camp site is filled with screaming, the kind that starts off in bravado as they tried to rush him and ended in terror as he threw them off and one by one destroyed them.

Save for that one missing thing, that little taste of madness, it’s almost like old times.


	19. Vegetarian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roadhog cooks. Junkrat's not sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr prompt, "Roadhog cooks one hell of a vegetarian dinner".

Generally speaking, Junkrat will eat anything put in front of him. He’s eaten grass, he’s eaten bugs, he’s even eaten dirt, though that was a little less intentional. He’ll try anything once, and in a pinch, anything edible is fair game.

There’s just something about the word ‘vegetarian’ that makes him suspect fuckery, though.

It’s nothing against Roadhog’s cooking. Roadie’s a good enough cook; he’s got nothing on Jamie’s own barbeque, but then, who does? He’s good with flavour and his dishes are always better than palatable, and it’s really not until he grunts something about using the safe house’s kitchen to rustle up a vegetarian lasagna that Junkrat feels any doubt about the big guy’s cooking in the slightest, which was probably patently unfair, but there it was.

He couldn’t do anything about it, either. When he took the time to actually think about Roadhog’s eating habits he noticed pretty sharply that the larger man wasn’t exactly keen on meat. Of course, in the Outback, you ate whatever you could get, but even there the older Junker had steered clear of meat as much as possible, especially pork, which now that ‘Rat thought about it was both fitting and funny.

Now they weren’t in the Outback anymore, and there was a whole world’s worth of foods to try, including innumerable veggies.

Playing sick wasn’t an option. ‘Hog would just get all worried and it wouldn’t be worth it to make him concerned over plain old nothing. And anyway, it _smelled_ delicious.

When they sit down to eat, actually making use of the abandoned house’s little dining room, Roadhog serves Junkrat a nice big piece of lasagna, layered with spinach and zucchini and cheese and smothered in a thick red sauce. He hesitated only a moment before tucking in.

It tasted as good as it smelled.


	20. Exhilarating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junkrat likes the Roadhog's piercings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the Tumblr prompt: "Junkrat noticing Roadhog's nipple piercings and considers getting a piercing himself".

They weren’t ostentatious or super decorative, but they still caught the eye, those rings piercing both of Roadhog’s nipples. Just a pair of simple steel loops, they were almost industrial, and Junkrat was enamored with them.

He liked the way they flashed in whatever light they might be in. He liked the way they contrasted the color of Roadhog’s skin and the way they highlighted the surrounding flesh. Most of all though, he liked the sensitivity they seemed to lend to the larger man, the way he could elicit all manner of sweet sounds from his bodyguard. Roadhog is usually pretty quiet, even in bed, but give a few tugs and twists of those rings and he would all but sing for Jamie.

It’s enough to make Junkrat pretty damn curious about what it’s be like to have a few piercings of his own.

Oh, he’s no freak for pain, but the way ‘Hog wears them they just seem more pleasure than anything. He wonders if they really hurt as bad as Roadhog implied when they went in, or if the big guy was just scaring him up the way he sometimes did.

The idea of being able to toy with himself the way he was sometimes allowed to toy with Hog was exciting. The idea of ‘Hog being the one to do the teasing though, that was _exhilarating._


End file.
